Balancing Work and Fertility: How to Communicate with Your Employer
As previously covered in “Cycle Math,” the scheduling burden of IVF can be substantial. Fortunately, many clinics are respectful of this and aim to provide early morning monitoring appointments so that it is less impactful for work. Yet, often, many people are consistently having to communicate with their work about late starts, time away for testing or procedures, as well as short-notice absences/time off due to retrievals and/or time sensitive procedures (IUI, transfers, etc.). This naturally can create either a sense of obligation to share what you are going through or may field questions from work individuals about your well-being. Unfortunately, I’ve heard of cases where the effect of scheduling changes has been met with animosity. Therefore, this post will focus on options on how you might address your workplace and examples of responses you might like to use!
Full Transparency - This option is the choice of some. It includes providing information to your employer about undergoing fertility testing, treatment and the nature of the scheduling. A perk of this method is that there’s not any need for creativity. Something to consider is the relationship you have with your coworkers. Are they able to respect boundaries? How will you feel about follow up questions or curiosities? Sharing potentially vulnerable information can help field support and can result in a risk of insensitive comments. Only you can determine if this is the best option for you.
Boundaried Responses: Providing information about your personal life to your employer and co-workers makes some shutter in their skin and others simply say, “nahhh.” Some benefits include the ability to maintain a level of separateness and privateness with your personal life from your work life. Unfortunately, some do this out of fear of consequences such as being overlooked for promotion, viewed as not prioritizing work, etc. (I despise having to write this). Possible downsides are that workplace individuals may not know your suffering and could unintentionally cause “ouches.” Sometimes the challenge with sharing boundaried information is creatively deciding how to communicate the need (absence, late start, etc.) without evoking concern from others. I’ve given a couple options that you can use or adapt to let your work know you’ll be out for fertility reasons without telling them you’ll be out for fertility reasons:
I’m going to have a few last minute doctors appointments coming up in the next few weeks as my doctor is wanting to run some tests and fitting me in where they can.
I’m going to need to flex my schedule/come in late on X and Y date for a few appointments.
I wanted to give you an advanced notice that I’ll have to take a day off in the next couple weeks for a procedure, but won’t know until about 2 days before. Please let me know how’d you’d like me to communicate and manage this absence. (This allows you to appease an advanced notice policy)
I’m going to have to take X day off for a medical procedure that was just scheduled, but will be returning on Y date. (If you’d rather simply notify work when you’ve been notified about the procedure)
Bonus: If you field questions from co-workers:
I appreciate you checking in on me, but it’s not something I’d like to talk about.
I am taking care of some appointments.
**** Remember - You DO NOT have to tell any information that you don’t want to. Should individuals try to push boundaries by asking again and again. Simply reinforce what you’ve already said and remove yourself from the conversation.****
